FreshSqueezedLemons

BPOV

Was I seriously thinking about this? Internet dating? Was my life really so busy that I was resorting to internet dating?

Yes, it was so yes I was.

Being a writer for the Portland Tribune and taking classes for my master's degree in English Literature makes it so that I have no real social life beyond my two roommates, Alice and Rosalie. And those girls' nights out weren't very often. Mostly, I had to tell them to go out without me because I had homework to do or a deadline that I had to meet.

They would kill me if they knew. Since I knew I'd never get away with it at home, I decided that before I left work I'd get registered at findyourmate[dot]com.

Oh god! Even the name was HORRIBLE!

I tried to look at the bright side, maybe I'd get a free dinner and movie or two. I sighed and got it over with.

I made a profile. I put a picture of me from my birthday the year before on there. Alice said that I looked really cute in that picture. I put my likes and dislikes in the box provided. I answered the questions as honestly as I could.

Seriously, did they really need to know if I planned on children in the future? I think I'd like kids but I didn't know for sure. This thing didn't give me an 'I'm not sure' option.

Jeez…What have I gotten myself into? I thought while banging my head into my desk.

Whatever, I'm going home. I doubt that I even get messages on this stupid website. I don't know why even I wasted my time.

Hopefully Rose and Alice have already gone out.

Maybe I should stay a little longer. It was only 6:30. I doubt they have gone out.

Maybe they'll be with Jazz and Em.

Here's hoping. I thought as I went out the door.

XXX

I was just getting home from the office. I was tired and badly in need of a glass of wine or four.

Maybe I could just drink my bottle of Skyy that's hidden under the kitchen sink.

Great idea, Bella. Get yourself wasted on vodka and pray to the porcelain god for the entire weekend. That's why you hid the Skyy under the sink in the first place.

Putting it with the cleaning stuff is a great hiding place from Rose and her "Across the Universe" Drinking Game.

Ahhh yes! Best night ever!

Yes, but it turned into the worst weekend ever when I couldn't leave the bathroom floor.

That's when I saw them, Alice and Rose were sitting on the couch waiting for me. They looked like they were up to something and I knew that they would pounce as soon as I hung up my coat.

Uhhh! Would this day never end?

"Hey guys. What are you two up to?" I greeted them as I hung my jacket and bag on the coat rack and tossed my keys into the basket by the door.

Alice looked at me with a glisten in her blue eyes.

Man, I knew I should have stayed longer at the office to give them a chance to go out without me!

"Hey Bells! We were thinking that you should go out with us. Maybe you'll meet the man of your dreams tonight!" Alice said

"Or just a guy you could bring home so you don't have to get out the vibrator tonight!" Rosalie said winking.

"Ha ha Rose. You're so hilarious!" I said sarcastically.

"At least come and have drinks with us. I'm sure we'll manage to keep it fairly cheap. We'll get dressed super sexy and make guys drool over us. It'll be sooooo much fun." Alice begged.

I could tell that this wouldn't be easy to get out of. Her tiny frame and spiky dark hair made her look like a pixie, but I'd known her since third grade so I knew that there would be no easy way around this. But damn it I was going to try anyway.

"What about Jasper and Emmett? Wouldn't they have a problem with us being dressed that way just to get free drinks?" I said hoping that the mention of their boyfriends would make them back off a little.

"Emmett already told me that it would be fine. Him and Jasper are bartending at the bar we're going to. So, they'll be keeping an eye on us." Rose said casually.

FUCK!

That meant that I'd have to deal with all four of them pushing me to drink myself into oblivion.

Don't get me wrong. I love Jasper and Emmett as much as anyone can love their best friends' boyfriends. They were like big brothers. Hell, I'd known Jasper since I was four.

I just didn't like being forced to do shots, and they loved doing them.

"Fine. I'll go."

Alice squealed in delight knowing that she was getting exactly what she wanted.

"But,"

"But? Why is there a 'but'? Cheap liquor and dancing. How does that elicit a 'but'?" Rose asked.

"I'm not wearing heels. I hate them and I just get so uncomfortable. I'll look as cute as you can make me wearing one of the 10 pairs of Chucks that I have." I said smugly.

Alice's face looked at me in horror.

"How can you look sexy in a pair of tennis shoes?" She said with narrowed eyes.

"I guess you'll just have to figure that out. I'm going to take a shower before we go." I said walking towards my room.

XXX

I quickly showered and returned my room to see if Alice had figured out what I was going to wear.

She was sitting on my bed. There were tennis shoes flung all over my room. Clothes were spilling out of my closet and dresser. I looked around. It looked like a clothing store exploded in my room.

Fuck! Tomorrow I'll have to clean this up with a hangover. Shit! Damn pixie!

"Alice! What the fuck happened to my room?"

"I had to find something to go with your ridiculous stipulation. I had to know what I was working with."

"You bought most of my clothes. You should know what you were working with." I said as I tried to fold some of the clothes spilling out of the dresser.

"I may have gotten a good chunk of them, but with you wanting to wear tennis shoes," I could see the sneer on her face as she said the words, "I wanted to see if you had something that would work. I borrowed this halter from Rose and the skirt is mine. Thankfully, you had the leggings." She said gesturing to a pile of clothes on the bed.

There was a hot pink halter top that tied around the neck, a frilly black lace skirt and black leggings along with a pink pair of Chucks. I smiled at the fact that I was getting exactly what I wanted: tennis shoes!

Don't get me wrong. I know that heels do amazing things for my legs, but I'm the clumsiest person I know. I wasn't about to put on four inch heels and do shots all night. I'd have to hire someone to carry me around so that I didn't kill myself.

I quickly put the clothes on knowing that she was going to want to do my hair and make-up. I sat on the bed and handed her my brush. Before I knew it, I had a pink bow in my hair to match and make-up that said "Fuck Me" as Alice put it.

"I guess that will just have to do. It's the best I can do with your stupid stipulation. But, at least you're going out with us!"

"I decided that I should go. When I got home I needed wine, so I figured why not. Besides, I'll have more fun with you two then with the remote." I said, smiling.

"Let's get this show on the road!" Rose yelled from the living room.

XXX

As we walked into the bar, we made sure to wave to Jasper and Emmett who were working behind the bar. I felt good knowing that if some guy tried to get rough that they would be there in a second to stop it.

We found a table between the bar and the dance floor. I wanted to make sure that we could be seen by Jazz and Em. The waitress came over and asked what we wanted.

"12 shots. Tequila. Make three of them doubles." Rose said.

I looked at her like she had three heads,

"What! Are you trying to kill us tonight? I want to get drunk, but I can't do four shots of tequila! Especially double shots. I would like to remember something!"

"Fine! Six shots of tequila, three of them doubles, and bring three glasses of water. Oh! And please bring salt and a lime for each shot." She said to the waitress then turned her head to me, "Maybe you won't whine with only two shots!"

"Look, I specifically wore tennis shoes so that I wouldn't make a fool of myself. Four shots of tequila would have ensured that I would never be able to show my face in public again." I said pointedly.

The waitress came back with our shots. I took the double first. It burned all the way down. The lime really didn't do anything to cut the taste.

I sat on my stool looking around.

"Hey. Look at that guy. He's HOT!" I said nodding to a tall guy on the dance floor.

Rose and Alice followed my stare to see what I was seeing. He had to be like 6'5" at least. Definitely Native American. He had dark eyes and hair and very obviously built.

"Maybe you should go dance with him," Alice said, "he's looking at you."

"Mmmmm. I see that." I slammed down my other shot. "I'm gonna go take a look, I'll be right back"

I think that the alcohol was already affecting me. I hardly ever, make that never, went after the guys that looked at me when we went out. Usually, they weren't looking at me anyway.

Why would you look at me when you had Rose the blond Amazon with the mile-long legs and big boobs or Alice the tiny but really cute pixie? I couldn't compare. I was the plain one of the group. I was okay with that.

But tonight was about what I wanted, so I was going to talk to the guy.

"Hey Tiger. What would it take to get a handsome guy like you to buy me a drink?" I said touching his arm

"A name would be a good start." He informed me with a devilish grin on his face.

"Bella. And you are?"

"Jake."

"Jake, huh? I kinda like that. You know what else I like? Sex on the Beach." I said

"Is that so? I can't say that I've ever tried that."

"You should. It's exotic and sweet. It's my favorite."

"Maybe I can make that happen for you."

"Great! I want an umbrella and a cherry in it!"

"Wait, what?" He looked at me like I was insane.

"Sex on the Beach is a drink. You said that if I gave you my name, you'd buy me a drink. I want a Sex on the Beach."

"You're a tease," He said with that same devilish grin "I'm going to have to keep my eye on you. Let's go get you that drink." He offered me his elbow as we walked to the bar.

"See that guy behind the bar? The one about as tall as you with the blond hair?" I asked pointing to Jasper.

Jake nodded.

"Let's go see him about my drink. I've known him since forever and he'll be sure to make it strong for me."

As we passed by my friends, I made sure to wave and fan myself for effect. We waited our turn at the bar for Jasper to finish with the people in front of us.

"What can I get you?" He asked before turning around.

"Sex on the Beach with an umbrella and a cherry in it. Make it as strong as you can get away with." I said knowing he'd know it was me right away.

"Bella!" He spun around with a smile, "I was wondering when you were planning on coming to see me. Alice and Rose were over here a few minutes ago. They said you went after some guy on the dance floor. That's not like you at all. It must be the alcohol. Point him out to me. I want to keep an eye on him." Jasper said in his most brotherly way.

"Uhmm…Jazz….Uhhh…This is Jake," I said blushing, "Jake…uhh…this is Jasper."

Jasper looked at me like I was crazy, but extended his hand to Jake. "Nice to meet you. I've seen you in here quite a bit."

He handed me my drink and Jake handed him the money for it. I smiled at Jasper as I grabbed Jake's arm and pulled him to the dance floor.

"Let's dance, please." I whispered into Jake's ear.

He put his hands on my hips as my free hand went around his neck. I started to grind my hips into him as Lady Gaga started singing about riding on a disco stick.

After a few songs, I realized that my drink was gone. I grabbed Jake's hand and led him to the table with Alice and Rose. I was definitely feeling the alcohol, but I wanted a few more shots.

"Alice," I said pointing at Alice, "Rose," pointing at Rose, "this is Jake. Jake these ladies are my roommates and best friends."

"It's nice to meet you Jake. You up for a few shots with a couple of hot gals?" Rose asked.

"Sure, but only if it's tequila. That's all I shoot."

"My kind of guy." She turned towards the waitress that was walking up, "Can we get four double shots of tequila? Don't forget the lime. We still have the salt shaker from earlier. Thanks."

I looked at him nervously. I knew what Rose was thinking about making me do. That's why she mentioned the salt shaker. He looked at me and winked. I smiled shyly back.

"You ready to do shots with a few drunk girls? We can get a little crazy." I asked him, doubting my decision to bring him over to meet my friends.

"I couldn't think of anything I'd rather be doing." He said with a smile.

I smiled back at him just as the waitress arrived with eight double shots. I glared over at the bar. Emmett made sure to grin at me and wave. He knew exactly what he was doing.

"Bells, Emmett sent us each a free double shot. Wasn't that amazing of him! I love him!" Rose gushed, but I knew it was mostly because of the alcohol. She was not normally someone who gushed. "Guess what I think would be a great idea!"

I cocked an eyebrow at her, "What would be your great idea, Rose?"

With a grin, "Body shots! Those would be perfect!" She exclaimed.

"Oh my God! You're right, Rose! I love doing body shots!" Alice said gleefully.

I knew this was coming. I was thrilled but nervous at the same time.

Rose and Alice would take them off each other as they always did to turn on all the guys around us. I, on the other hand, would be doing mine with the very attractive man sitting beside me.

I looked at him, trying to gauge his excitement. He looked pretty excited.

I wanted to keep up my self-confidence from earlier so I said, "You up for body shots, Tiger?"

He eyed me then grinned, "I was born ready to do body shots off that hot little body of yours." I felt my face flush.

Oh God! What have I gotten myself into!

XXX

I woke up to a strange smell. It smelled like wet dog. It was not helping the pounding in my head that happened whenever I moved my head.

On top of the smell, I noticed three problems simultaneously.

One, my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth.

Two, My head was hanging off the side of the bed upside down, which was causing problem number one.

Three, my bed-mate was laying on me. Thus, making it almost impossible to remedy problems one and two.

Thankfully, I go to the gym on a regular basis. My trainer was always telling me that I would appreciate doing sit-ups one day. Little did I know, he was right.

I pulled my torso up and shimmied until I wasn't upside down anymore. This fixed two out of three of my problems. Now, I had to remedy problem three.

And now I owe my trainer a present. Without him, I'd still be stuck with three big problems instead of one really big problem.

Jake...the guy from last night.

Apparently, I went home with him. And judging from our mutual lack of clothing and the ache in my thighs, we had lots of sex...causing him to smell like a wet dog.

Now that I was sure where the smell was coming from, I felt nauseated. The nausea intensified the pounding in my head.

I gotta get out of here ASAP.

As slow as I could possibly manage, I pulled one leg from under him. Then, I waited to see if I woke him up.

Seeing that I didn't even seem to faze him, I slowly pulled my other leg from under him and swung both legs off the bed.

As I sat up, I started looking around for my clothing. My bra was on the bedside lamp, but everything else was in a fairly neat pile on the ground...except for my undies.

They were nowhere to be found. I looked under the bed, all around the room...nothing...

That's when I saw them...

What a pervy bastard I ended up with last night!

Jake had them clenched in his hand and pressed up to his face.

Ewww! Stinky dog man is sniffing my lady scent!

Since I have no intention of ever wearing that pair of undies again, I decide to leave them with Jake. They would be burned on our back porch if I took them home anyway.

Might as well leave him with a souvenir.

I pulled on my clothes as quickly as I possibly could, gathered up my purse and shoes and ran out the door.

As l got outside, I realized that I had no idea where I was. I could see a street corner up the street and I hoped that it had street signs. I walked to the corner and was extremely relieved to see where I was.

I pulled my phone out, dismissed the 12 missed calls from Alice, and called a cab.

When I get home I'm going to take a nice hot shower because I'm pretty sure that I smell like Stinky Dog Man, then I'm gonna see if the man of my dreams has sent me a message. PFFTT! As if that's gonna happen.